WE DIDN’T MESS UP THE AUDIO ON THIS ONE.. That means it actually exists.
So this isn’t really about anything gaming, tech, comic, or any other item from those genre’s that I usually talk about. Just a random thought that came into my head the other day.
I realized that I am completely unafraid of death.
This sounds both weird, and a complete lie. I think most people would admit to having a healthy (or even an unhealthy) fear of passing on. Not knowing what will come next, if anything at all. The thought that it all could just stop and that would be it.
I was reading something online about someone committing suicide is why this even popped into my head. Not a normal pastime, just one of those wonderful side effects of being a reddit junkie. The recently deceased man got me thinking about the whole death thing, because he planned it out as a good thing. He wasn’t sick, or depressed. Just didn’t want to get old and unable to take care of himself, so he made a website explaining it and just went through with it. Super serious, and super jarring to read. This in turn led my ADHD brain down the rabbit hole of death, dying and the beyond. It was there I made a startling discovery about myself.
I am not afraid of death, rather, I am afraid of life.
I am afraid that I have spent my time badly. That the little I have accomplished or done is even smaller than I realize. That I missed all the opportunities and moments that could have been, for something more normal or expected of me. I am terrified that I can’t fix that and do better now with all I’ve learned. Oh and by the way, the way my brain works did not help relieve me of my worries. It proceeded to exacerbate things for the rest of the day.
Nothing like thoughts of your wasted, useless life to make the day fly by at work.
It made for a rough work day, leaving me unfocused and unhappy. I felt completely dissatisfied with my life and there wasn’t a returns desk for that sort of thing.
I tried this life and I would like a new one please, hold the relationship drama in this if you could. Thank you very much.
Who knew a simple story on a stupid website could make the whole day that much more fun? I don’t think I felt more upset at something from online since my last political argument on facebook (something everyone should try once since it makes you realize how terrible facebook is). This isn’t all doom and gloom though, I did eventually come around.
I realized that my life mattered. It’s not the big things that make it matter. It’s the little things. I may not impact the lives of millions, but I have impacted some. Even without that, I still have experienced things and done things I wouldn’t take back for anything. Even terrible relationship problems. Nothing can make you feel more alive than surviving an emotional crisis you thought would kill you. Sounds silly, but God it really shows you what you are made of.
So maybe I’ve lied already about this post and I’m not afraid of having a bad life. I don’t think it’s possible to truly have a bad life. You can make bad choices, and do bad things, but I think I learned that life itself isn’t good or bad. It’s all perspective. I can live with that.
Oh and to throw in at least some comic stuff to this, since that is what I’m all about, it was a comic book that helped me see all this.
Age of Ultron Book 10 A.I.
Awesome comic that follows Hank Pym around and you are reading his inner thoughts, which is normally something I hate about some comics. This one was just fabulously done as Hank realizes that yes he has been a fuck up, and yes he has done some terrible things. He also did some great things and was a hero as well.
I fucking comic showed me I shouldn’t be afraid of being a failure at life. Life is failing. Life is also getting the hell back up and trying again.
I love comic books. From the art to the story telling, they are amazing. Story arcs and events creating a literary experience that rivals most novels, except with outstanding art. The characters are both relatable and unbelievable. So many wonderful combinations.
This is only a part of the experience for me though.
The other part is the actual physical copy of it. Holding it in my hands, being able to turn each page and take it all in. The feel of the paper, the shine of the pages in light. Hell, even bagging and boarding them is fun for me. It’s a process I enjoy. A ritual I go through to protect and show appreciation of what was created.
I know this sounds stupid to people who don’t collect. I would like to say this is like book purists that talk about the smell and feel of a novel. In fact it is exactly like that for me. I go to my local shop and my senses are stimulated immediately. It’s exciting and calming at the same time.
So why even bring this up? Why does this matter to anyone? Well, it’s because I actually worry that there may be a day in my lifetime that all this will go away. That I won’t be able to have my pseudo sexual experience with physical media. We are so digital now, that it seems just a matter of time before all of it is an app for some tablet. Just push a button and in your brain it goes. Download the latest Green Lantern into your head and instantly feel like you read it. Perfect for the busy fucks we’ve become.
Call me old fashioned, but that just sounds awful. I’m all for making things simpler and having digital versions of things available, but there has to be a limit sometime. The maintenance of my comics is what increases the joy for me. Putting the time and effort into it all makes the experience feel like a reward. Funny enough, I don’t feel like this only applies to comics. Without pain and sacrifice, how can we appreciate it when things are spectacular?
Well, that’s my thoughts at least. Even if they are jumbled and trail on a bit. I think there is a point here somewhere. Something about kids and them getting off my lawn with their digital selves.
I’ve been meaning to get to this for awhile now, but I wanted to give some insight into how I went from not reading any comics, to spending nearly $40 to $50 every two weeks for my pile of comics at my local Comic Shop
It started with Colin and I wanting to do the Crooked Outlook podcast actually. I wanted to be the Gamer nerd while he was the Comic nerd, however we both felt it was necessary to dive into each others fields a little bit more, so it wasn’t monologue on top of monologue during the podcast. So with this thought process I set out to find a pretty awesome comic shop.
At the time, we both lived in the Northern Virginia area, so my sights were around Vienna.
This is where I found a fairly newish comic shop called “GAME ON! Comics”
Now although I haven’t been big into comics, I’ve been to a few comic shops for Dungeons and Dragons and the such, just never for the comics.
They’re actually an atypical comic shop, strictly in the sense that they do things right where a lot of comics shops do a lot of things wrong. “What do you mean by wrong?” You may ask. Well, from the places I’ve been there are some crucial mistakes Comics shops can do to hurt themselves from growing.
Some of them being:
Catering to themselves
Now displaying newer titles easily
Not introducing new artists
And it goes on.
Some comics shops seem to be out there because the owner was a hoarder turned “Business-man”
However, Game On! does not do that. They’ve made an environment that I feel like I can go into a niche group and feel welcome. Enough so to even ask for help, a mentor in a subject, or just shoot the shit!
Everything about them reeks with “I love comics, I want you to love comics to, let me show you how.”
Passionate people wanting to share it with others.
Anyways, the biggest reason I started reading comics was my brother and I, however what keeps me going stronger and stronger is the relationship I have now with my comic shop.
Now if that ain’t love, I don’t know what is.